I didn’t before, but now I do. How many of us take for granted that when our need arises that the nurses and doctors will be there, waiting for us. They don’t have to do it, to put in the long hours, and put their own lives on hold, to save ours. I remember feeling concerned when the weather was bad, wondering what will happen if they can’t get here. How will they care for the patients if they are short staffed? Amazingly enough, even then, they put patients first. They opened up rooms for the staff to sleep, so they would be there no matter what, and they chose to stay. I’ve read posts before that were written by doctors, and nurses, trying to share the weight of their positions, but the words didn’t sink in without having the experience. Spending 24 days in the ICU at IU West, I was able to see first hand a lot of the struggles and routines nurses and doctors go through on a daily basis. I was able to see their faces, and feel their pain when they had to explain to me what was happening. I sat with a doctor, and listened as he tried to tell me my husband most likely wasn’t going to survive, but that he was going to give him the chance, and do everything that he could to save him. I felt the pain in his words, and saw his true genuine desire to help. I felt the gentle pat on my shoulders as he would walk past, hoping he could comfort me in some way, knowing how hard it was. Not only do these amazing people fight for their patients, every minute of the their shift, they also comfort family in a special way. I had nurses who asked to stand and pray over my husband with me, and those who offered a hug on a hard day. Those moments will stick with me always. The hardest part of this to believe, or wrap my head around is this. These days here were the hardest I’ve been through in my life, and these folks choose to come back and relive it over and over again. Each time, not knowing if their patient will survive the ICU. I was truly only here for a short time in comparison, but the live this reality every day. Everyone doesn’t get a happy ending such as ours, but they fight anyway, and hope and pray. On top of that, they do their jobs with passion, and dedication unsurpassed by many occupations. The quality of care that was given in the ICU exceeded any other room we have been in, by doctors and nurses, and all of the staff members. I am forever grateful, and I hope our story gives them hope to continue fighting for us.

The ICU Staff
I see you behind the mask
Isolated from the real world to perform your task
Picking up extra shifts and working a long day
Giving 110% every moment without delay
Relentlessly, and tirelessly giving
Offering comfort and even praying
Always putting patients first
No time to quench your own thirst 
Finding time for me when I am scared
Fighting with amazing talent others never dared
Still holding onto hope finding courage to continue
I see you, ICU.

      

Just a quick update, WE ARE HOME!! Today marked the 35th day at the hospital for Jason on this journey. We are thrilled to be in the comfort of our home, and surrounded by our family again. As we were pulling out of the hospital today, things finally seemed “real” to Jason, as he is no longer living in a fog. As we came to the exit of the parking lot at IU West, as I’ve done 34 times before, a strange thing occurred. A funeral hearse and procession passed at exactly the moment we were trying to enter onto 10th street, and we had to wait for it to pass. It was as if God was sending us a reminder of our miracle. It brought tears to both of our eyes, and made us hold on to each other a little tighter. We drove in quiet for a few miles, and the first song that came on when we turned on the music was “Big City” by Merle Haggard which also seemed very appropriate, as we drove west out of the city towards home. We are excited to start in home therapy tomorrow in an effort to get back to normal as quick as possible.

Big city, turn me loose and set me free

Merle Haggard

The definition of purpose: the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. What could possibly be the reason for going through something as big as this? Thinking about that makes me think about the idea that the same God who created all of the wonder in the world, the mountains, oceans, or the sunrise, also created you and I. He has a plan for each one of us, no matter how small this big ole’ world makes us feel. It may be hard to imagine, but His plan is always bigger and better than anything we may come up with. At times, it is difficult to remember that in all things there is a purpose. Especially in the difficult times.

  For I know the plans I have for you, Declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
                                                       -Jeremiah 29.11

As Jason has come back to us, his perspective has blown me away. I have been so excited and proud of his demeanor. I wasn’t sure what to expect. How could someone wake up so happy after going through something so terrible. He has literally been fighting this sickness now for over a month. He has not had a meal in over a month. His body was paralyzed, sedated, and heavily drugged for 22 days. He has fought Pneumonia, Covid, a staph infection on his skin, in his blood, and respiratory system, and ARDS. He has had to go through Cat scans, daily xrays, EKGs, injections, infusions, art line, pic line, feeding tube, and more. As he has awaken, he has had problems with insomnia, indigestion (even though he hasn’t eaten anything), heartburn, nausea, lack of dexterity, muscle fatigue, weakness, immobility, loss of taste and smell, dependence on oxygen, and paranoia and hallucinations.

Jason’s positive perspective on this has been a prayer answered. Through all of this I haven’t heard one utterance of complaint. Not one negative statement has come out of his mouth. All I have heard is the song of a grateful heart. He knows how close he was to death, he fought against it the whole time as he made his way out of the darkness, to get back to his family, and he is so joyous that he has a second chance at life. He has a positive attitude about his recovery. He is willing to put in the work necessary to win this incredible battle. He is motivated and eager to get started. He has told me that there must be a reason for all of this, and that there must be a big plan for him in this world, a reason he made it through this. Oh, I can’t wait to see what it is! God must have something special in store for him. He also knows that he has so much support from friends and family, and it excites him to see how everyone has come together for him. He says he didn’t know he had so many friends, and is amazed and flattered by all of the love and support he is receiving, and that will also strengthen him for this long road.

Each day we are tackling small goals on this road to recovery.

  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.                       
                                                     -Isaiah 40.30-31

The sun is shining down on us. Jason has been exubated, the ventilator has been removed! The doctor came in yesterday afternoon and he thought we were ready to give it a try. Ten minutes later, we were watching a miracle happen right in front of our eyes. He spent 22 days on the ventilator. The stories he is telling us are incredible, and he is so very grateful to be alive, it’s amazing. Our two older children were there with us yesterday, and he was able to facetime with our youngest, and those moments were precious. He was also able to speak with his dad, brother, and my parents. He cannot wait to see all of his family and friends, or to hear from them. If you feel inclined to send him a note or a message he would be thrilled! He has enjoyed hearing the messages that we have shared with him. We have a long road ahead, but we are eager to get started. Thank you for all of the prayers and support over the last three weeks. I can’t tell you how amazing it is to watch God’s handiwork unfold right in front of your eyes! Hallelujah.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains-
  where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the Lord, 
  the Maker of heaven and earth. 

He will not let your foot slip-
  he who watches over you will not slumber; 
indeed, he who watches over Israel 
  will neither slumber nor sleep. 

The Lord watches over you-
  the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 
the sun will not harm you by day, 
  nor the moon by night. 

The Lord will keep you from all harm-
  he will watch over your life; 
the Lord will watch over your coming and going 
  both now and forevermore.
                                                          -Psalm 121

If you don’t believe in God’s miracles, this story might change your point of view!

We both knew that if Jason ended up with Covid-19 it would not go well. With that being said we let our busy lives interfere with our intentions of learning all we could about the Covid-19 vaccine. Neither one of us really felt safe getting the vaccine, and there were so many stories both positive and negative, that we just kept putting it off, and sticking with our instinct of not getting it. Knowing how easily Jason can get sick, I’m not sure why we didn’t pursue our own research and find good hard facts to support our choice of not getting vaccinated. Do I think that this case would have been milder had he been vaccinated, maybe. I think that is something that we will never know. However, after being in the hospital struggling to live for three days, Jason asked me to get the vaccination, and shared that what he was going through was so terrible, and he didn’t want any of us to ever have to go through anything like it. So I did, no questions asked. I did some research and was vaccinated while we were here at the hospital in the first few days, prior to the ventilator.

On December 30 Jason took a home covid test because he felt tired and was maybe having some chills. He went home early from work that day and rested. We visited the Emergency Room on January 2 because he was feeling so poorly, and his fever had been so high, for too long. He was not admitted at this time, and was not treated with the new monoclonal antibodies. He was given some medication for nausea, and an inhaler to help his lungs, and something to help his cough. He was given some fluids, and a good dose of Tylenol to help with his fever and dehydration. I will say honestly, it seemed that this ER Doctor was upset with us for not having been vaccinated. He literally seemed to be angry with us. We were told that there is no magic cure for Covid, and we just should have been vaccinated, and then we wouldn’t be in this situation. It was very unprofessional, but we weren’t arguing with him, we just needed help. He did have a positive covid test while we were here in the exam room. We were sent home to recover at this point.

The next day, Jason continued to feel worse. This is the day he became more nauseous, and had a lot of vomiting. His fever continued to be high, and his body aching and just feeling miserable. Using Ibuprofen and Tylenol every 2 hours wasn’t even helping the fever at all. He was still feeling just as bad the following day. His cough worsened, became painful, and was making it hard to take breaths or to speak. After our first experience with the Emergency Room, Jason did not want to go back. We used our phone doctor service to see if we should be heading in or not. It’s so hard to tell when it’s time to go. The phone doctor said we better just head in to the ER since his i-watch oxygen saturation was reading low. Trying to honor his wishes not to go to the ER we went to the Immediate Care Center. He was in distress trying to breathe by the time we got into the waiting room. The nurse told us that it was too late to come in and that they were too full to see the patients that they had. I asked her to please help us, and she brought a sensor out to the lobby and checked his oxygen saturation level. By this time it had dropped below 90, and she said if we came in they would transfer us by ambulance to the hospital.

Back to the ER we headed. We waited about five hours to be put into an exam room. During that time it was too hard for Jason to sit up, so he slept on a hard bench in the entryway. Things moved a little quicker once we were in the exam room and after about 2 hours we were beginning the admittance process, to the med-surge floor. By the time he was settled into the hospital room and being treated with oxygen and meds, it was 4:30am. I was able to run home and take care of a few things, and I was back by 8am when visiting hours started. This was a very stressful time because the nurses on this floor are given so many patients to care for. I think our nurse was also taking care of seven or eight other people! I felt like I was working to keep Jason alive! I was constantly monitoring his Oxygen saturation, and he could not keep it above 90 without proning, or laying on his stomach. We were making sure he was in this position, using the breathing tool which was very difficult for him, and moving his arms and legs to avoid getting blood clots. He had an ultra sound to check his legs, and a cat scan as well to check for blood clots in the lungs, and it was mostly clear, but hard to read because he had been coughing so much and moving that it wasn’t clear. Unfortunately Jason’s alveoli in his lungs had mostly collapsed. These are tiny air sacs in the lungs which allow for rapid air exchange. It’s where the lungs and the blood exchange Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide during breathing. The breathing tool we were to use is supposed to open these alveoli back up and help them function properly. Jason was also coughing so hard during this time that he actually had passed out a few times. The doctor gave us some very strong cough medicine for the cough and a mild blood thinner to fight off any chance of blood clots. Jason had also been using a nose cannula for supplemental oxygen. The rate was continually being raised to try and keep his oxygen saturation above 90. He just couldn’t do it. I was constantly hunting down nurses to let them know that his saturation alarm was going off, and he wasn’t able to keep the number up.

As things continued to decline, Jason was asked for consent to do whatever was needed to stay alive. We had one rock star nurse while we were downstairs here. She was determined to keep Jason out of the ICU, and off of a ventilator! She worked so hard, staying on top of everything to ensure he was able to make it. Unfortunately when her shift ended, things went downhill overnight. Then, the morning nurse didn’t come in until almost 10am, which meant Jason didn’t get the meds he needed until then. I talked with his doctor early this morning, and he had shared he may be concerned about an infection. He also told me that he was reserving what he called a super drug for treatment if there were to be a rapid decline. How it works best in that moment right before needing the ventilator, and that if he used it too early it wouldn’t be effective.

Jason was really struggling in his room, with little ole me, the worst nurse ever, trying to save him! Our nurse didn’t seem to be very motivated at this time, and I felt I was chasing her down for help. I had Jason doing his breathing tool, proning, and doing all we could. Jason just looked defeated, and so tired. I finally asked the nurse to call the doctor. He came quickly, and said he wanted us to move to the Progressive Care Unit. Here, he would get better care, more oxygen, and have access to better personnel and equipment. He also would be closer to the ICU if it was needed. Once we got upstairs to the room, I was asked to wait in the waiting room until they had him settled. It wasn’t 10 minutes and a new doctor walked out to talk with me. He took me aside and said, it’s not an emergency yet, but it’s urgent, and we need to put Jason on a ventilator. Wow, my world stopped for a minute. Everyone was telling us so much about how getting on the ventilator would be a bad thing, and not everyone survives. In fact, I believe it’s about 50/50 for survival. This was a very scary moment for Jason and I. I was allowed to go back into the room to talk with him very briefly, but he had an oxygen mask on and it just looked so overwhelming to him, such a hard moment. We said our “goodbyes”, not knowing if it was the final time, or what would happen next. I’ll never forget the look on his face or the sweet words he spoke to me, even in his distress.

Going on the ventilator meant moving to the ICU. So, for the next four hours, I waited in the waiting room and called family members to let them know. I wasn’t alone because our family is amazing. We had such a large crowd gathered that we actually caused a scene with Big Nate, the security officer. He is a sweet man, who needed us to follow the rules. We were able to see Jason briefly when they rolled him past us to get from the progressive care unit over to intensive care. That was tough on us all, especially our kids. I did get to talk to the doctor, and he let us know that Jason was stable. He told us to expect a roller coaster ride for the next week or two. He has high hopes for him, as he is young and healthy.

Once I was able to see Jason in the ICU room, after the initial shock of all the things, I actually felt a bit of peace. He was so tired, and had been trying to breathe for so many days, and it was hard. He seemed to finally be able to rest, and recuperate some. Even though everything that he was going through was a lot, just the level of care and caution that was being given in the ICU, I knew this is where he needed to be. These nurses and doctors are amazing, and work so hard. There was also a prayer chain going on outside during this time, friends and family who came together to lift up a man in prayer, a man that is so loved in his community. It was very touching, and amazing.

So, this is where we still sit, in the ICU. This makes day number 21 in this room. Three weeks can fly by when you are trying to fight for your life. The doctor wasn’t kidding about the roller coaster, which sucks because neither Jason or I enjoy roller coasters! I’m not going to list all of the things that have gone on in here, the ups, the downs, they have been tremendous. There have been many days when I thought it was the end, that I thought we may have lost this fight. There have been doctors tell me they don’t expect Jason to survive, that NO ONE that they have treated has survived in his circumstance. I told him, Jason is always the one to do something that no one else can do. He is always the anomoly, so why should this time be any different! I NEVER lost hope, I never gave up, and neither did he! We sit here still, and continue the fight. I have had a peace about me during this all, because of what I feel is my childlike faith. I know I’m not a child, but I am a child of God, and it never falters. Some have asked how I remain so calm, and collected during this time. It’s not me, it’s always been Him, his light shining through me. I want to be like the brightest fire you’ve ever seen, displaying His goodness through my life, my actions, my quiet demeanor. There is a purpose in all of this, but we don’t always get to know. God has a plan in mind for us all, and we must be still and listen.

On one of these darkest days, of bad news, and declining numbers, our community came together for this gentle giant. The word was spread, and they came by the dozens. Those who love Jason, me, my kids, our family, our school, our business associates, our whole community. They all came at one time to form a circle and fill this hospital parking lot. I bet there was 150 people here, to lift up one man in prayer. I have never felt so loved, and so appreciative. People from all walks of our lives came together for one purpose, to send up prayers for Jason’s recovery. It was absolutely amazing. I told him I felt a miracle coming. So many people praying, churches praying, communities, families, individuals, all across this country. I have been touched by the outpouring of love for this man, and for our family. I have been amazed. I would answer a hundred texts or calls a day to share news about our journey. Each and every thought and prayer, kind deed, dinner, childcare, rides, all of it means more to me than anything. I am humbled by the kindness that has been bestowed upon our family.

This journey isn’t through, but we have received some good news today! Over the last two days there have been some major improvements in Jason’s progress. His numbers are improving so fast, that this afternoon the Doctor shared that we may be one or two days away from exubation! This after the previous diagnosis, is so utterly amazing, and I am so grateful! Today, Jason has been able to look at me, and see me! He has been asleep for 20 days! I was so happy to see his eyes, and to see he could follow simple commands, answer yes and no by nodding his head, and following our movement with his head. I feel hopeful, and excited. He has fought so hard, and it’s finally paying off. I hope and pray his improvement continues, and the next few days will bring a lot of positive change in the right direction, the direction of healing.

I will update as things progress, so feel free to check back here whenever you need. I felt it was important to let all of our wonderful friends and family members be updated, to show that their care and concern has not gone unnoticed. I apologize for not updating sooner, but I wasn’t ready. I feel compelled now to share, and as I learned a few weeks ago, when you feel the nudge to act, move your feet, and it just might make a difference in someone’s life.

Thank you all for the continued prayers, it’s working!

Our adventure began a long time ago, but it begins now for all of you. Over the years, there have been so many people tell Jason and I that we should write a book, and that nobody will believe that this stuff is real! Of course everyone likes to manifest a story, and make it seem more than it is, but that’s the glory of writing, it leaves so much to the imagination! A story can be a powerful tool. If you are looking for something to read that will take your mind off of all of the everyday things that keep you awake, all of the struggles, and fears, the concerns, and questions, this may be the place. However, there will be plenty of these things found here, in our everyday lives, along with all of the beautiful wonderful moments that we share together. Sit back and enjoy our story. Since we started our journey together in 1998, we have always chosen the road less traveled, literally, and looked for the adventure that may be awaiting us.

Unfortunately, the road we are on at this time is definitely filled with curves, cliffs, and roadblocks, and not one we would have chosen if given the chance. My husband fell ill with covid in December 2021, and we are still in this battle today. He has been on a ventilator for 20 days in the ICU battling covid symptoms, bilateral pneumonia, ARDS, and a staff infection. When they told us it would be a roller coaster, they weren’t exaggerating. I will update all of our family and friends here as we try to overcome this battle.

With that being said, it leads to adventures headed my way. As my husband recovers, I will be trying to temporarily fill his very big shoes! I have taken a leave from my Ag teaching position to care for him, and to pick up where he left off as far as the farm and the business are concerned. In addition to the farm, we have a small trucking company which we are continuing to run with the help of our amazing employees and friends and family members.